Forgotten Kiss
by Chiiling
Summary: Discover the truth behind the smile of a seemingly happy miko and her final days. Rated M for safety. Previously called "A Lost Love".


_**DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, and places are the sole property of Rumiko Takahashi. Any resemblance to any actual events, locales, organizations, or person, living or dead is entirely coincidental.**_

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_**A/N: For some reason, I just had to write this Oneshot. It's been on my mind for days and now I've written it. The wires inside my laptop that allows charging, snap so posting will be hard since I have to keep switching my battery with my sister. Thankfully, she have the same brand. I'm also starting school again in 4 days. Fun but hope you like the story. I'll make a cover image later. I'll make a sequel if I get enough reviews...perhaps a happier ending...? or a more sorrowful one?**_

**_Now enjoy the story~!_**

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They were close to ending their 3 year long journey. From the start, she had not once fought for herself. Only for others. For her son who lost his home. A brother who was curse. A sister who suffered the grief of lost family and a friend that was betrayed long ago.

For many nights she thought to herself, _"Is the pain I feel worth the price I must pay?"_

Such a simple question but one that holds so much depth and meaning. She only started questioning her purpose when she realized she had nothing. While it was true she had family on the other side of the time stream, friends who look out for her and a child that needed her...she had always felt alone. Like she didn't belong.

The woman she saw as a sister was becoming closer to the monk she viewed as a brother and they were happy. The little kitsune she took in as her own was becoming independent and the silver haired, dog eared boy she once loved continued to break her heart by choosing a dead woman made from clay.

Clutching her chest, no one seem to particularly notice her pain...no one but _him_.

She wasn't sure when it started, only that she didn't want it to end. 3 months ago, he joined forces with her little team. Of course her red clad silver haired friend objected fiercely to the union. He wanted no help from that "bastard" as he was so fond of calling him and made no bones about fighting to keep it that way. Honestly, she couldn't understand why he was like that. He rejected any kind gestures from the man who claimed her as "his woman", almost all forms of friendship and love from her but the moment _she _wanted to join, he had open his arms widely.

She knew she could have objected, just as he did. They all could have argued until they were blue in the face but they all knew. _She _would become one with them. It broke her heart even more, knowing that the dead miko has attempted to take her life multiple of times and he did not believe her once. It sadden her knowing that she held no place in his heart but she would not let that rule her. She too is a miko. A _living_, breathingmiko, capable of protecting and defending those she loved.

When he offered to join, she agreed. They argue and she threaten until he relented. She will be selfish in this matter. No more will she let him rule her life, dictating her every action. If allowing one of his most hated "enemies" into their mist was her wish, it will occur because she wished it.

At first it had been difficult. He so silent and regal as they were, for a lack of a better term...a band of misfits. She had been grateful for the distraction though. With him came a two headed dragon, an imp and the cutest little girl she has ever met. She fell in love with the little girls within moments of truly meeting her. She would even dare say the little girl thought of her as a mother. In the time they traveled together, she played, bathed and groomed the children in the group as she own. She literally became the mother of the group, the "alpha female" he once told her.

She was blissfully happy but as time moved on, she noticed how things were changing. The slayer grew closer to the monk, the hanyou attached himself to his dead miko even more and the children stuck close to each other, sometimes not even needing her to play with. It sadden her that she was not needed but she didn't let it show. She was sure no one knew about her inner pain but there was no escaping his eyes. He would see through her pain.

Not understanding why he cared and to this day, she still could not, they made a silent vow. He became her rock as she became his light. At first it was to comfort her...well more like he demanded to know what ailed her, claiming it was his right to know as the "alpha male". She of course tried to deny his words but to accuse the great demon lord of being a liar was something he would not permit. He had let the subject drop that day but she knew better. She knew he would wait...wait for the opportunity to corner her. To trap her and when he succeeded, he will strike, swift and true to his nature. She would wait for that day.

That day came a mere month later, 2 months ago from where they were now. Stalking her as she made her way home, he all but abducted her to a cave nearby. He bullied, manipulated and threaten her until she told him the truth. She told him her tale and waited for his response. Without realizing it, she had cried salt filled tears he was wiping away with his dangerously sharp claws.

Perhaps it was because of the kind gesture that she gave way. That it was the first act of attention she received in a long time that she burrowed into his chest, careful of his spiked armor as she cried like the frail and weak human girl she felt like she was. Startled, he couldn't comprehend at first but spending time in the presence of a little girl made him understand one thing. When a woman sob tears of sorrow, it's best to sooth them. He had wrapped his arms around her, trying to sooth her pain and the next thing she knew, she woke up naked, sore and alone.

Looking around for any signs of her companion from the night before, she laughed bitterly when she spotted none. _'Of course he is not here. Why would he? It was a mistake on his part.'_

Baring her heart on her sleeves to a man-no demon- she knew would feel nothing for her was foolish on her part. Not willing to let the sting of rejection keep her down, she stood up, dressed and with her head held high, she returned home. She stayed for a few days, return to Feudal Japan and continued on her path like nothing was wrong. All was the same but one.

They traveled easier, making more frequent stops to villages and springs. Elated, she didn't question the sudden change at first until it happened again. She had been bathing alone as was customary as of late when he showed up.

He stood there and watched her bath. She knew he was there. She had enough self training to at let scoop out her area when alone but wasn't sure what he wanted. Silence pass by the two when she finally turn to face him, her naked breast gleaming in the night as water cascaded down her erect nipples. She watched as his eyes diluted, pupils turning even slicker but no matter how much she watched, she never saw him move. Not when he stood there regally in his clothes or when he appeared in front of her, naked and starving for a taste. That night, they repeated their mistake.

For the past month or so, their pattern continued. They would find shelter with a spring, she would bath alone and he would come to her.

It was the same as every night that he would appear again today. They had traveled during the day, knowing that their worst nemesis was just around the corner. Nightfall had come and she excused herself to bath privately. No one paid much attention to her disappearance...or that of the demon lord's.

There in the water, she washed her body, prepping herself for him. Just as before, he appeared from nowhere and joined her.

There was never a long foreplay but it wasn't a get in and get out scenario either. He took his time pleasuring himself and her. He would thrust in leisurely and thoroughly, maximizing his own pleasure. Today would be the last day for them to join like this and in all the times they have been intimate, she realized that he had never once kissed her. She wasn't sure why or if it was a demon thing but she decided to push her luck. If he was willing to dally with a human woman, why not kiss one too?

Raising her hands to cup his face, she pulled herself up, whispering his name gently. Centimeters away from his lips, she felt him pull back. It didn't surprise her as much as it did his hand that clamp around her neck, forcing her back to the ground. Squeezing with a bit of pressure, he bit out his remark. His cruel and hurtful remark.

"What is it that you think you are doing woman? What makes you think this one wants to swap saliva with a weak creature as yourself?"

"But- we...we do so much-"

"Regardless of what this one does to you bares no feeling that will be recuperated. It is beneath someone such as I to be more intimate than this with someone like you. It would be foolish on this one. Disgusting human. Try not again your earlier actions."

He could lay with a human woman but not kiss her? He could take her like a beast over and over again and feel nothing? Well not she. She was a creature of compassion and love. She could not continue to be intimate with him if she did not feel anything for him. She would even say she loved him but that was to be expected. What did she expect? Why would a full youkai love her when a hanyou could not?

She said nothing when he released his grip and flipped her around, bringing her to her hands and knees. Ramming into her like never before, he ignored her silent cries and her whispered plea. "Forgive me. It was I who was foolish Mi'lord."

That night, he did something different. Unlike before, he stayed with her the entire night. Typically, he would leave after rutting with her but here he was, holding her as she slept in his arms. But she knew better. He did not love her. He claimed to not love her. She will not be foolish a third time. Tomorrow, it all ends. Tomorrow...will be the last for her.

o0o

_'We...won?'_ she thought to herself as she surveyed her surroundings, looking at the body parts dissolve into nothingness. _'We actually defeated him?'_

Turning on her heels into a full circle, she watched as her friend grieved over the lost of his love one. She watched as the slayer and monk came together in a hug that relieved them. Watching the children tackle them to the ground as a third entered the fray in his joy.

With the end of their struggle came the pull for the present. Smiling a beautiful smile, she thought herself blessed.

_'Ah. So we have finally won the battle.'_ She turned to the large group gathering in the middle of the field. _'I have friends who were like family to me. Children I treated as my own.' _

Looking to her grieving hanyou friend. _'Friends that I protected and was protected by.'_

Her last sight was the back of a man. _'And...the man I love most who would never come to love me...'_

She closed her eyes as he turned slowly to her. She was fading...disappearing from a time not her own. _'I wish you well Miroku...Sango. I wish you a long and happy life with your brother Kohaku...' _

Images of little children flashed by her closed lids..._ 'I wish you both a happy future full of love and joy. Shippo...Rin. Take care of each other now...'_

Then a red clad dog eared boy... _'I wish to take your suffering for your loss but I cannot. Inuyasha...live for the future, not the past. Kikyo would not want you to grieve anymore. Live for someone new for I will not be waiting for you this time...'_

And finally a silver haired demon lord... _'...And I wish you the best of hope and love. I wish for you to one day realize the truth behind my chose...my actions...'_

She was mostly gone before anyone noticed. Quickly, the rushed to her but she would not allow them to. A barrier prevented them from getting to close. They watched in misery and sadness as they watch the young miko vanish before their very eyes. _'My love for you may one day vanish as I am now but know this...I do love you Sesshomaru. I love you in all your arrogant glory. Be you a man or demon, it was you who stole my heart...'_ she was fading quicker as tears spill from her eyes when she finally looked up to see them. They all looked worried but it was okay. She knew they were strong. They will survive her disappearance as they have everything else.

_'...And it was you who once more broke it. Through hard times and harsh time, I may have felt alone but I was...'_

She faded until only her voice was left. _'...unbearably fortunate...Thank...you...' _A lone tear fell but did not drop. It vanished before it could touch the ground. She too vanished as if she was the wind. There was no trace of her left, as if she was never there. Startle, none move, not even when the barrier was removed until one went up. To where she last stood. Standing where she was once at, he stood there, letting the wind flow through him as if he was being caress by her.

_I love you Sesshomaru. _

He swore he heard her from nowhere. Feeling like a part of him died as she left, he clutched his chest plate as he felt a throb, calling out her name for the first time.

"Kagome...?"

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_**~Epilogue~**_

It has been nearly 80 years since he last saw her. Felt her. Held her.

For the last 80 years, he had suffered emotional pain from his loss. He was a fool to think that she could not love him. She was a creature full of love and would not lay with a man she did not love truly. Why did it take him the lost of her completely did he come to realize the truth of his feelings?

He was not ignorant of what she was feeling when they were intimate together. He just choose not to see it...not truly. He would lay with her, all the while claiming to himself that she meant nothing to him and that she feels nothing for him. Inuyasha had questioned him harshly and brashly after she left. He saw no real reason to lie so he told the truth.

At first, Inuyasha was quiet, quite the feat from someone like him but that didn't last long. He returned to his usually foul mouth and threats of bodily harm but he held no interest. He had fulfilled his duty of destroying Naraku so he had no reason to linger. Motioning for his pack, they turned to leave, allowing Rin the little time she needed to say her goodbyes.

A few years pass relatively quiet before he sent Rin to the village. He wanted her to have a choose of rather or not she wanted to stay with him or live once more among humans. That was what he told himself so why did he always make his way towards the well? For some time, he would go to the well, hoping against all odds that she would suddenly appear and grace him that beautiful smile but it was not meant to be. More years pass and Rin choose to stay. He wasn't surprise with her choose but with her reason.

"_Lord Sesshomaru, I want to stay."_

_He knew that she would choose to stay but it still hurt. He gave his usual "hn" and turned to leave when she asked him a question._

"_Are you not going to ask me why?"_

"_Why should this one know your reasoning? You choose to stay. Nothing more, nothing less." _

_He heard her giggle. "Oh Mi'lord. It's never that simple. Was it simple to deny your feeling for her? Was it simple to pretend she never existed?"_

"_You know not what you speak of Rin. I will not-"_

"_But you must. Even a demon can feel Lord Sesshomaru...just as easily as a demon can kill or be killed."_

"_...What purpose are you getting at Rin?"_

"_Why do you come here?"_

_Why did he come to a village full of humans that smelled awful? She should damn well know the reason he suffered through the stench. "I come and go as I please."_

"_Do you now? Then what is your excuse for-"_

"_This one does not make excuses, nor does he need one."_

"_Okay then...what __**reason**__ do you have to go into Inuyasha's forest and to the well?"_

_He kept silent._

"_Perhaps Mi'lord will finally listen to the words of a girl who adores her lord very much and wants to see him happy." She walked towards him and pulled his sleeve. "You do not need a reason to feel. It just comes. When you know something is meant to be, take it. Don't live with the regret of not knowing. Of always wondering the "what ifs". She told us once to live for the future...to live the life we want...Well I want you to live a happy one."_

_She released his sleeve and walked back. "Go to the forest Mi'lord and go to the well. Ask yourself once more what it is that you truly want and tell her that."_

He didn't remember raising such a smart child but than again, she was always that way. Seeing things others didn't...just like her.

He went to the well that very day and stared at it for long moments, willing an answer to appear. _Ask yourself once more what it is that you truly want and tell her that._

Ask himself...He knew what he wanted so why tell her? She wasn't here to hear his answer so what did it matter? He willed himself to speak the words he wanted to say but nothing came out. Why?

Placing a hand onto the old wood of the well, he felt nothing. What was he hoping for? What did you wish to have? These questions plagued him to no end. He felt that he couldn't leave the area until he had an answer so he sat there, by the well, thinking of his answer. Her friends had stopped by occasionally but usually leave when they see him. He had not left the well for nearly two weeks! It took the intervention of Inuyasha to finally discover what his heart wanted all along.

"Oi bastard! When are you leaving? The place reeks of you now!"

Sesshomaru ignored him, still lost in thought when he heard the words he didn't believe was true. "You love her that much huh?"

Love? He...loves her?

Growling, he bared his fangs that him. "Do not speak such nonsense to this one. I do not love her."

"Then I suppose you're just here to kill time? In my forest? By her well? Yeah, I believe you."

"What makes you so sure I-"

"I don't."

"Pardon?"

"I don't." he repeated. Blinking, Sesshomaru didn't understand what Inuyasha was saying. "I don't know why you love her or how I know for sure. I just do."

He just do. Something similar to what Rin had told him some time ago. What a strange relation.

"Look Sesshomaru. I don't claim to know what it feels like for everyone but I will tell you this..." He squatted near his brother, coming face to face. "When you love, you feel. The pain of being alone. The fear of your love being one-sided and the greed of always wanting more. With Kikyo, I always felt that and felt the need to remind myself that by hurting Kagome in the process. I ain't saying that I'm proud of what I did but it's something I can't change. Not anymore."

Inuyasha rose to his feet and started to walk around but not before giving his brother one last shred of advice. "I know you love her because you of all people wouldn't rut with a woman for fun nor be sitting by a well while unconsciously waiting for her. Take what you want while denying nothing of yourself. That was how you always were weren't you? I imagine that it wouldn't change...even now."

Inuyasha left and Sesshomaru thought some more. Could he really love the girl? Could he really be in love without realizing it? Everyone else seems to think so, so why didn't he?

The more he thought, the more it hurt and the more he wanted to see her. To get answers from her on why he felt the way he did. By the time he realized his mind was only occupied by her, he had heavily sunken into the depth of love. He wanted her by him, to stand by him and he wanted her to be with him. So startling was this notion that he started to steadily build an empire. He wanted her to return to something worth staying for.

When he finally got control of the entire Western Lands and built his empire, 60 years have past. Rin was now in her old and fragile stage of life, the slayer and monk have past on to the afterlife. The kit was now a leader of his own clan and Inuyasha had finally chosen to settle down.

For 60 years, he had only thought about one person and for 20 more years, he grew to love his miko even more. By now, she would be old or dead but he knew better. His miko was very much alive. He just had to wait 500 years. He has waited 80, what's another 420 without losing his sanity?

Looking up to the sky as he prayed for nothing in particular, he closed his eyes and wished once more. _'Kagome...I wish to see you once more. To hold you in my arms as we lay together. To watch you fatten with my pup. To see your smiling face every morning and night.'_

Placing two fingers on his lip, he made a 'chu' sound and casually lift it to the sky.

_'Ne, Kagome...Can you feel that I'm kissing you?'_


End file.
